Climatologists deny existence Donald Trump

(Translated from the original article in Dutch after numerous requests. Check out and like our new page ‘The Antwerp Times’ on Facebook for new English-language posts!)

INTERNATIONAL – Well over 500 climatologists, geologists and various scientific experts congregated in Paris for a special summit last week, entirely devoted to debating the existence of Donald Trump, the alleged 45th President of the United States. Even though the political phenomenon has featured more than prominently in the media over the last few years, and according to numerous sources at one point could even be ‘observed’ in Europe, many prestigious specialists remain skeptical with regard to the man’s very existence.

“There is nothing new about so-called Trump-deniers,” according to Professor Albert de Gier, head of the Department of Meteorology at the University of Amsterdam. “But it’s pretty damn frustrating to see how persistent nay-sayers remain adamant in the face of hard-hitting evidence. If one simply looks at the facts, we can easily conclude the man must have at least been around since the 1940s and the impact of his deeds has frankly become undeniable and increasingly irreversible. Thus, it is of paramount importance to the survival of our planet that the scientific community should bring these findings to light.”

And yet, thousands of prominent climate experts across the globe have remained cautious if not blatantly defiant with regards to the American’s verifiable existence, while increasingly pressing awareness campaigns are casually dismissed as “political propaganda” and “fear mongering.” British phenomenologist Jack Schitt has led the educational campaign Truth about Trump for years and featured as a keynote speaker at the conference in Paris. “The way in which the mainstream media and so-called ‘experts’ have tried to brainwash the masses with the specter of Donald Trump is just ludicrous,” the man bluntly stated as he kicked off a much anticipated address. “Fine, it all started out as a semi-plausible narrative about a real estate mogul experimenting with a series of ill-conceived capitalist ventures, but soon deteriorated into a simplistic charicature of a reality-star with a Hitleresque temperament who inexplicably bullshits his way into the most powerful office in the world. Are we to believe such an absurd, detestable and quite possibly insane individual could feasibly play any part in contemporary international politics? In exactly what kind of parallel fucking universe do these people assume we’re actually living? I mean, get real, would you?”

Political leaders around the world have been closely following the proceedings of the summit, if only to properly judge whether and to what extent additional time and resources should be devoted to continuing their tense negotiations with a quite possibly fictitious head of state.