US government official claims giant iceberg just "needed a break" from Antarctica

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WASHINGTON D.C. – Satellite data confirming the recent rift between a gigantic iceberg and the Larsen C shelf on the South Pole has caused great concern among scientists and may yet again refuel the debate on man-made global climate change in our time. None other than Scott Pruitt, head of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency and climate change skeptic appointed by Donald Trump, issued a statement on behalf of the federal government saying “we should definitely not panic and instead consider other explanations than this whole global warming thing that, frankly, hard-working Americans are getting tired of hearing about.”

EPA chief Scott Pruitt insists “there is nothing to worry about” and instead lambasts “so-called experts” for trying to exploit a “completely unrelated incident for political gain.”

The ice shelf had been showing discernible irregularities on the surface level for months before the iceberg, weighing over a trillion tons and measuring 5,800 square kilometers or 2,240 square miles in size, irrevocably broke off and started drifting into the Weddell Sea, where it is likely to continue disintegrating into smaller pieces. Though a majority of climate experts insist this is “damning evidence of the disastrous melting of the polar ice caps”, the Trump administration refuses to ackowledge the causal link with carbon emissions and rising temperatures. “Who are we to speculate as to why the iceberg chose to go its own way?”, Mr. Pruitt continued. “Maybe it just needed some private time or decided it was simply in its own strategic interests to go it alone and pursue a more freelance path in the Arctic region. What kind of Americans would we be if we denied that iceberg its freedom and right to self-determination?”

Scientits have been tracking the gradual disintegration of the ice shelf for years, but the cause of the event is still to be debated, it seems.

Interestingly, the developments in the Arctic follow the American government’s decision to formally abandon the Paris Climate Agreement by little over a month. Therefore, the scientific community is expected to put additional pressure on other governments around the world to step up efforts to reduce their nations’ ecological footprint. Professor Jane Burr, marine biologist and chairperson of the environmentalist lobby organization “We’re All In Big F*cking Trouble Now” has announced a new global awareness campaign and remains optimistic about the prospect of a sufficiently bold consensus and plan for collective action. “As soon as the international community agrees on whether the iceberg is actually the size of Luxembourg, four times London or ten times Manhattan, I’m sure we can all move forward quickly and keep protecting our fragile planet.”